silly picture

OK, so it was an irrelevant tag in a silly picture, but STILL.

Fine.

For giving others advice, it’s always perfectly clear.  But for myself, I give people the benefit of the doubt, make up excuses, convince myself there’s another reason.

I finally get it.  Will anything happen this weekend?  I honestly don’t know.  Probably not, since the last time seemed a little forced.  I mean, one of the party was upset, anxious, or something that wasn’t a positive feeling.  That always leaves a bad taste.  Also, it was a little awkward during the visit.  I think.

Fuck.

At this point I am self-consciously thinking I may be getting desperate.  Which is NO GOOD.  I am driving myself utterly insane.  The beginning of this week started with a few weird and unnecessarily bad dreams.  Bad dreams:  dreams that are of situations that you wish to be true in real life, then you wake up to realize it’s never going to happen.

I am so AWKWARD.

Filed under: Uncategorized

feeling fat

…And not so sassy. Ugh, I think 10 lbs need to be lost. Meds and family and free food did NOT help with the continuation. If anything, I think I gained 5. Yikes.

Filed under: Uncategorized

the floor is puddled

I’m just wondering…
when is the next time I’ll be lucky again?

The last few months have given me realizations and these are ones I do not like.  Now I’m asking for more, expecting too much, but I know it is best when unexpected.  Initially unseen, it would bloom nicely.

Maybe moving to the city is the very bestest idea, especially for this type of work.

Filed under: Uncategorized

living the past

Sometimes I wish I could go back to a certain span of time, maybe a night, a day, a few weeks and relive the same moments.  I want to compare how I felt towards something then to how I feel now.  I think that would be really interesting to experience, how we change over time.  Or maybe we change because of what we know over the time period.  Right now, to me,  it seems like a person (when you first meet them) is very different from the same exact person they are now.  You’ve been talking to them in between then and now, but looking back at it, they seem like a whole ‘nother person.  Strange.

This is one of the few times I wish I could go back in time.  Not to change anything, but to compare emotions… then to now.

Filed under: Uncategorized

dear mother

I have suicidal thoughts every time I talk to my mother.

She’s well versed at killing egos, especially mine, which I’ve worked hard over the years to build up since I’ve been away.  But one phone call can chip away a good hunk, leaving me feeling desolate and defeated.

I’d say before 2 weeks ago, I had a healthy ego.  A little quirky in places, but otherwise decent for something still in the works.  Then Hurricane Mother hit and I’ve been left with debris.  It was chaos.  And now I feel like I have nothing.

Rebuilding from the remains will commence tonight.

Filed under: Family

hi, I’m Miss Gradumacated

I was officially done on Friday, June 12th, 2009.  Commencement was at 10am.

It surprisingly didn’t take too long for 950+ people walking…maybe 2 hours?

It hasn’t quite hit me yet.  It will soon, when I’m bored for a few days on end. Haha.

I got a BS in BS. And a minor in BS too.
Bachelor of Science in Biological Sciences. Minor in Philosophy.

I am rocking awesome.

Filed under: Life