je suis… le tired.

nataliedee.com

Filed under: Random Fun Stuff

outta my wits

thoughts:
1) the thought of being married to someone right now scares the shit out of me; I need to breeeeathe.
2) I absolutely HATE moving.
3) I don’t have a room to live in comfortably.
4) they slashed me 3 hours of work today; I “got to” go home early.
5) twice. in 3 days. (as much as the last 6 months… yip.ee.)

Filed under: Rant

The last time.

The last time was Valentine’s Day from the rush of emotions.
The last time was when I sprained my toe from pain and embarrassment.
The last time was when I re-sprained my toe from pain and frustration.

Today. Today was the first time since, from the frustration she likes ensue.

It has to be at least once every time I’m home to visit.

Filed under: Life, Rant

Honestly.

Honestly.

I woke up this morning not feeling so well. Honestly, I feel like I’m done being home, HERE. Too much to do and I don’t want to do most of it. Honestly, I miss Davis. I wish I were back in California. I’m too restricted here: Mom’s projects, curfew, limited days I can go out. If only I could somehow bring the good things from here to California and somehow it would be… home… without the idioticies.

I only have a limited amount of time here, people! And my mother insists that I spend most of it with her, at home, doing the things SHE wants to do at the times she wants to do them. I can be employed, of course, but the times that I’m not working I have to do all these things for her. It’s maddening. I can’t handle having to do these things. I can’t handle having a curfew. I can’t handle being restricted in so many ways that I can barely breathe.

Then the restrictions give me this sense of failure. I feel like a failure sometimes. Why? Because the times that I finally DO get to go out and away for a little while… I need them to be successful. (I’m actually crazy.) And if things don’t happen the way that I want them to, I get frustrated and feel like I’ve wasted my time. Honestly, I feel like I can’t do anything right anymore.

Maybe I’m better off without these worries. I probably ignore current matters to make myself feel better… (ignorance is bliss). I don’t want to have all these worries. In Davis, I felt free and unbound. Here, I feel so frustrated it’s annoying.

Alaska goods + Davis = would be heavenly.

California, I miss you.

Filed under: Rant

what ever happened to all your summer plans?

I fucking HATE seagulls. Really, I do. Because I got shat on twice today while jogging. I’m never going that route again.

Courtesy of Tim [NSFW]:

From Mange: eggs in clare’s womb
Our old website from back in… 2001? I’ve forgotten about it until just recently. Even google-able through the keywords “anatomicallydeformed”.

First day of work yesterday… LITTLE KIDS! They are just so darn cute! Makes me sad that I have such a dilemma over the thought of. Plus I received a compliment from a father yesterday about being a ride-operator: “You’re one of the only lifeguards that I’ve seen that smiles all the time. I really appreciate that! Thank you.” He rode the Master Blaster (the super-slide) with his son (who was the cutest thing at 4 or 5 years old) multiple times. Pretty awesome considering: (1) I’m not a life guard, and (2) it was my first day on the job.

So I was cleaning and packing up old things from my room yesterday and found the journal I had kept in high school (up until January 2005). Wow, I know a lot more things now than I did back then. Like, my first relationship was already falling apart even before our 1-year anniv and somehow I stuck with it for another 9 months?! And then some more?! So yeah, I was crazy… and quite depressed back then. I’m so glad I’m not as angsty and stupid as I was when I was a teenager. I can’t believe I ditched my friends for a year for him! And all those excuses I made!
Talk about being stupid.
Hey! I learned from my mistakes.

Now I need to go clean my old room up and pack stuff so I can help Mom move to Dad’s old place. I really hate moving. I’ve moved 5 times in the last 5 years.

Filed under: Life, Random Fun Stuff, Video

chee chaw chee chaw

1) Grades were posted and I’m not happy. My fault.
2) This week has been slightly crazy.
– We’re doing a weird apartment switcheroo
– I can’t settle down
– I have to pack stuff into boxes
– I’m inhabiting two rooms
– I hate how my mother has projects for us when I’m home
3) I hope I get the job at H2Oasis.
– It’s cool that they’re laid back
– It seems as if I may have the job
– But I don’t know yet since they haven’t called me back
– Me: frustrated because I want money
4) Seriously.

Filed under: Uncategorized